


I Will Always Love You

by moonbin_lester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cutting, Fucj me, M/M, Sad, Self Harm, dan cutting, phan cutting, phan self harm, phil cutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 09:49:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11354976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbin_lester/pseuds/moonbin_lester
Summary: "i will always love you.""eh, you're a little iffy.""i'm hurt, literally."





	I Will Always Love You

it all happened so fast.

hate. crying. blood. hugging.

he didnt mean to do it! his mind was making him do stuff he didn't want.

simply put it: he cut himself for the first time.

he researched what helps depression and (after many suicide helpline pages) he found that slicing your skin helos. it was obviously put as a joke in wikipedia, but the idea was there. so when he was sad he tried it. it made him feel better, but then phil walked in, asking something along the lines of "do you like this thumbnail?" before gasping and grabbing dan's wrist. dan only managed to do two cuts before phil inturrupted, but it was still there. phil cleaned the cuts and pulled dan into a hug.

"if you ever feel like doing it, come to me first. please, dan. i can't live without you." phil cried. "promise me." he said, standing back and holding out his pinkie.

"i promise." dan said, wrapping his pinkie around phil's.

"if i catch you doing it i swear i will do it to myself, too." phil said sternly.

"then i won't, i could never hurt you like that."

~

he was gonna do it. again.

dan couldnt resist the feeling of the cold medal cutting against his pale and soft skin. phil made him promise to never do it again, but he was already feeling depressed and the fans yelling at him for a video wasn't making it better.

phil used razors to shave (dan not trusted after last time), and dan dropped it (on purpose- what? who said that?), breaking the plastic object in two, the blade slipping out. dan picked it up, and hid it under his shampoo bottle. he got out a new one and put it where phil's was before

the next day, he found a particularly triggering comment, and couldn't resist.

"I wonder why Dan doesn't post anymore?" the comment said.

"Too busy writing his suicide note, that fag." someone replied.

if only they knew.

phil was down stairs eating his (dans) morning cereal, so there was no way to interuppt dan. 

he went into the bathroom and got the blade from under the bottle. he brought it to his wrist and slid. the red liquid started running down his arm, but dan didn't feel it. he made another one, deeper this time. he put it to his wrist again, when-

"dan what if i mixed coffee and cere- DAN!" phil yelled. "AGAIN? DAN THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS MONTH! YOU SAID YOU WOULD GET BETTER! YOU-" phil gasped. "y-you pinkie swore."

"i-im so-rry i-"

"NO, DAN." phil said, grabbing dan's hand and leading him to the kitchen, opening the knife drawer and getting a particularly sharp on out. "IF YOU CAN DO IT WHEN I TELL YOU TO STOP," he yelled, bringing the knife to his wrist. "then so can i." he said calmer.

"NO! phil- d-dont!" dan sobbed, now crying.

"WHY CANT I, DAN? HMM?" phil yelled again, pressing the blade into his wrist. the skin broke and blood started dripping out. "FUCK!" he yelled, but he only did it again, anger sturring him on.

"PHIL! STOP! THATS OBVIOUSLY HURTING YOU!" dan screamd, sobbing, feeling useless.

"YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE FUCKING HURTS? FINDING YOU BLEEDING OUT ON OUR BATHROOM FLOOR. SO IF YOU CAN HURT YOURSELF," he paused, making another cut. "THEN WHY CANT I? I KEEP MY PROMISES WHEN I MAKE THEM, DAN."

"i-im sorry! phil! please!" dan sobbed harder, falling to the floor to his knees, putting his hands up to his face and screaming.

phil stopped, finally realising what he was doing. he looked at his wrist.

three. he made three big gashes across his pale white flesh. he quickly put the knife into the sink and rushed over to dan, grabbing his wrist and pulling it to the sink. he cleaned it before getting the first aid kit out of the cabinet under the sink. he wrapped it and kissed it, quickly putting his own wound under the cold water and cleaning it throughly, also wrapping it.

"dan." phil whispered to dan's still whimpering form. "daniel." 

"y-yes?" 

"i love you, you know that?"

"y-yes."

"good. now come on. we're going to bed. get ready for my stubble because i'm never buying a razor again. and the only knife you're allowed to use is a butterknife."

"fine." dan said, hugging phil firmly.

"dan, when you hurt yourself, you hurt me too. mentally and physically." he said, looking at his wrist. "i will never stop loving you, dan."

"its a little iffy for you though.." dan joked.

"im hurt." phil laughed. "literally."


End file.
